At the age of 12, I joined a children's camp in my classmate's church, and started attending Sunday school with her every week. I remember I would wake up very early and have breakfast with my great grandmother who attended the same church, and wait for the church van to pick us up. At one point, I stopped going to church because I was going to sit for one of the most important exams that year.
Let's fast forward a bit to when I was 14 years old, the age when I started going to church again and accepted Christ after a while of attending another friend's church. When I first accepted Christ, I still didn't know much about Jesus, God and church. Through time, I got to know God a little bit more. This particular church was not very strict, and they accepted me anyway, despite of me having no experience at all playing for the worship team. But still, I was unaware of what I was really doing; it just sounded fun to me, playing instruments on stage and being able to help out in church. This went on for years, until the day I graduated from high school.
The time came for me to leave my home, Sabah, Tawau, to pursue a degree in UCSI University, Kuala Lumpur. My mother called one of my aunts for help, to bring me to her church because I asked for it. Although I had no clue of what I was doing, I still kept my interest to know more about God and church. That's when I started attending this church my aunt goes to, City Harvest Church KL. Now, this church is nothing like the church I attended back at home. First of all, it's a mega church, meaning, this church is HUGE and has thousands of people attending each service. It's very youthful, compared to the previous church I joined, which consist of mostly senior citizens and working adults. Second, this church practices something called "speaking in tongues “Oh boy, MAJOR “culture shock" there. On my first day there, I was so excited and happy that I'm finally in a church where there are people my age, and where praise and worship is like a concert! But then, in the middle of worship, people started blabbering and making funny sounds that definitely does not belong to any human language I know of. It was F.R.E.A.K.Y! Imagine, yourself standing among these people, who started chanting or speaking in funny words that does not make sense like they were possessed or something. It was very awkward for me, when everybody was "praying in tongues", I was just standing there, not knowing what to do.
Okay, fast forward again, to the time where I first met my cell group. Nothing much to say about my first impressions about them, I was too excited to meet everyone. It's been more than two years now being with this cell group, and these people are as awesome as always! Although we have our differences, but we still stuck together as a family. No words can express how I feel about them. I can never imagine myself being in another cell group, and I would not wish to be shifted to somewhere else even if I was given the chance to. With these people, you laugh, A LOT. Other than that, one thing I really admire about this cell group is that, the adults really try their best to set a good example to us students, especially in terms of attitude when we're serving in church and in cell group. They really try to express how much they care for us. I think it's mainly because this cell group is under the guidance of a very caring, patient and influential leader, and core members with willing hearts and are passionate to keep the cell group in shape and growing.
After a while of attending this church, my passion for God grew stronger and stronger. I was so in love, not with boys, with Christ and church. I was so driven by the passion of the people who attend this church; I began reading the bible and pray every single day, without fail. I received the gift of tongues, and I even experienced the strong presence of the Holy Spirit that came through me! (This is when you see people are being prayed for and fall on to the ground. I know... Freaky.)
Outside of church and cell group, I continue to experience God's blessings. Now this, my readers, is the main dish. I know the introduction was long, but you gotta know A LITTLE BIT about my life before you can truly understand why I want to share this with you.
See, up till now, the first half of my life here, was just filled with non-stop blessings from God, although there were obstacles, but I have never once doubted Him. I was filled with so much joy, so much passion for Christ, I could never stop praising Him, and I have never been angry at God for the things that I don't get to have, I've never complained to Him about the problems in my life. I was, kinda, like the perfect little Christian girl who goes to church excited, never worried about my problems and trusted God to handle them for me,
Oh boy...
Oh boy...
OH BOY...
I have never thought that this day would come... Boohoo~ *sad face*
If I remember correctly, starting from the mid of last year, 2014, I was gradually losing that fire for God. So things became quiet, going to church and cell group started to feel like just a routine for me. At one point, I got tired of what I was doing, serving in cell group, going to church every single Sunday and Friday night. I just wasn't as excited as I was before. I even found it a hassle to have to take a cab to go to church when I couldn't find anyone to pick me up, not to mention having to pay around RM60 just to get to church and back. I was angry, I was angry at God. Sometimes I would blame God for not having enough money to spend on daily needs. ( I mean like, c'mon! I barely have enough to eat, and now you want me to spend more money on transport to church?!) There was even this one time when I got angry at God because I lost one piece of my work from my assignment, because I carelessly misplaced it. I was crying and yelling at God, blaming him for letting this happen to me. My reason for being angry was that I worked hard for that assignment, I needed to get more than just a passing mark to sustain my grade point average to keep my student loan from the government. Not only that, I was angry at the fact that my father was not doing, financially, well, and if the government were to terminate the loan because of low grades, there will be no future for me, my family and I would have to keep struggling our whole lives just to survive, and my brother probably would not be able to further his studies after high school. GOD! HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME?! ( I'm going to unfriend you in Facebook, unfollow you from Instagram, and block you out from my WhatsApp!)
Alright, that didn't happen... I wouldn't dare to, to be honest.
So, after all that drama... It's time to sum everything up and close. Yay! You've made it through this far! Just a little bit more!
What I realized is that from the very beginning, God has chosen me to follow Him, He sent His angels to help lead me to Him. Bit by bit, He gave me a taste of what it's like if I obey and trust in Him. He was pushing me on the bicycle with training wheels while teaching me how to steer and peddle. Now, it's time for Him to take off the training wheels.
In this phase of my life, from now on, I have to experience Him in a different way. I've grown, not only in age, but a little bit more in wisdom. It's time that I learn something new. I've tasted and seen enough of what He can do. It's time that I make use of this faith and put it in to action.
Believing in God/Christ is not just about feeling His presence when He is there; it is about seeking His presence when He is not there and believing that He will not abandon you. We just need to learn how to let go of things and let Him take charge.
Someone once told me this,
"Don’t be too hard on yourself, leave everything to God, and He will make something better out of it."
As said in Proverbs 16:3
"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and He will establish
your plans."
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